I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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