Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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