Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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