Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
