Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
