I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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