she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
