she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
