I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
