We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
