Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
