if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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