My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize