woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
