She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is my gift to your gina
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
