I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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