Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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