Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
