"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
