if you like me you must not know who I am
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
