WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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