I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
