just tell him i said nine months
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
