4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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