His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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