Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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