I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
