I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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