i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
