when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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