Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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