i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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