i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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