I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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