tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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