Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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