First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
