I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
