I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
whose ass print is on the piano?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
