We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
