I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He has the fingertips of a God
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