Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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