YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
