I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
