Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
