His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
