I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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