Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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