it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
