He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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