Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
