Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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