Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
