I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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