Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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