It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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