Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
