God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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