she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They took my balls.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
