I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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