I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
