My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
