it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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