FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
