Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
