i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
