Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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