I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
