Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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