This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
