I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize