Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
