where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize