The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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