I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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