I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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